Some sports are naturally more combative than others; football, rugby, wrestling, and martial arts to name a few. This makes sense, as these sports involve athletes getting up in one another’s face. Heck, a few of the latter ones involve actually combat. Nevertheless, even in other organized sports, unexpected conflicts can rear their ugly head.
We all know that sports offer children an excellent opportunity to develop their physical skills, improve their health, enhance their social skills, and bolster their confidence, but like in any social setting, conflicts can arise that threaten to spoil things. Whether it’s a disagreement between teammates, some parental tension with a cantankerous coach, or friction with a few of the other parents, sports drama is almost part and parcel to the whole thing.
As parents, our role in this whole youth sports journey is one of guidance. It is our responsibility to guide our children through conflict challenges like these while maintaining as positive and supportive an atmosphere as we can. That said, there are going to be moments where we are embroiled in the conflict ourselves, even some moments where we are the cause of it. This is not a position that any parent wants to be in, but as we always tell our children, mistakes happen.
In this article, we will teach parents how to avoid making those kinds of mistakes. We will offer advice on how to defuse conflicts between players, their children, coaches, and themselves. When all is said and done, we will make sure that all parents possess effective conflict resolution tactics that they anyone can use, whether on or off the field.
Understanding Sports Drama
The term “sports drama” can be defined a number of ways and it can take many forms, including:
- Disputes can occur between teammates. They can be over playing time, performance, or any number of other in-game moments that create discord.
- Players or parents can become frustrated with coaching decisions.
- Tension between parents with differing views on team dynamics can arise on the sidelines or in the parking lot.
- Arguments can and often do come up during the course of a game between players, coaches, or among the gathered spectators.
- Issues related to favoritism or unfair treatment are a hot-button topic, especially among parents.
The trick to getting out from under these conflicts before they even settle in is in recognizing the issues early and handling them appropriately. Such vigilance might just allow cooler heads to prevail, thereby preventing even the most minor disagreements from escalating into major problems. When children experience conflicts in sports, parents can use them as a valuable opportunity to teach them important life lessons about dealing with adversity, understanding different perspectives, and resolving issues in a constructive, hopefully nonviolent way. That said, it’s important to teach children that conflict is a natural part of life and that resolving those conflicts before they become full-fledged fights will help them become more resilient and adaptable individuals, in all areas of their life.
Encouraging Healthy Communication
One of the best ways for any individual, young or old, to manage conflicts is to simply try talking to the other party. Parents should teach children the value of fostering open and respectful communication. Here’s what you as parents can do to encourage this:
Teach Your Child to Speak Up Respectfully: If your child has expressed having an issue with a teammate or coach, it might be a good idea to encourage them to address those feelings in a polite and constructive manner. Instead of just complaining to you about it, they could just ask questions like, “How can I improve to get more playing time?” Remember, teaching your child to express their concerns calmly and respectfully is the key to preventing conflicts from escalating, both in the moment and down the line; at a time when you might not be available to intercede. A good idea is to try role-playing conversations at home. This type of preparation can ready them for any number of difficult discussions ahead. It can also go a long way in helping them build some confidence to address the pertinent issues.
Lead by Example: Kids learn and copy everything their parents do, we all know this. They mostly choose to emulate the negative…in public…every time, but believe it or not, they do take the good in with the bad. That means if see you handling disagreements calmly and respectfully, they will also be more likely to do the same. This is why it is imperative that parents demonstrate positive conflict resolution strategies in their daily life and especially during interactions with your children. If you ever disagree with a coach or another parent, take a breath and do your best to handle the conversation as maturely and constructively as you can. Doing this will help your child understand the importance of composure and mutual respect in resolving differences.
Encourage Listening: Parents need to listen more. Our parents needed to, and try as we might to avoid doing the same, we also tend to tune our kids out now and then. As far as we see it, this is coping mechanism. But that’s a story for another time. The point is that we should listen to our children more than we do, if only to show them that listening to others’ perspectives can prevent misunderstandings and foster better relationships. Teach your kids to ask open-ended questions and to acknowledge the viewpoints of others, even if they don’t agree.
Handling Team Disputes
It’s common for young athletes to have disagreements with one another. Kids are kids and becoming teens doesn’t do much to improve their mercurial dispositions. Such disagreements usually result from something objectively trivial, but that doesn’t seem particularly trivial to the young person involved. It could be over who gets to play certain positions or about a miscommunication during a game, but there are ways to rectify it without resorting to fisticuffs or name-calling:
Promote Teamwork: Parents would do well to remind their children that a team works best when everyone supports each other. The key here is to try and emphasize the success of the team rather than one individual player’s recognition.
Encourage Problem-Solving: Before escalating any issue, take a moment to ask your child to think of some solutions. Don’t give them the answer outright, but gently guide them into brainstorming constructive ways to address their concerns. Maybe they should just talk directly to the teammate involved or find other ways to compromise.
Involve the Coach if Necessary: If tensions persist despite some conflict resolution interventions, it might be time that you speak with the coach. Getting adults involved isn’t always ideal, but they are generally most well-placed to actually address the issue. They will also tend to be more neutral on the subject than most parents and the athletes involved. Remember, coaches are trained to manage team dynamics. They are often called upon to mediate disputes and they generally do so most effectively. Nevertheless, do what you can to ensure that your child tries to resolve minor conflicts independently before involving adults. This is a great problem-solving skill for them to work on and will be most helpful in many areas of their future life.
Dealing with Coaching Conflicts
Sometimes, players, and parents, quite frankly, may feel that the coach is being unfair about some things. Whether it’s about your child’s playing time, their unique training methods, or just the overall treatment of the kids in their care, there is a right and a wrong way to address it.
Help Your Child Understand the Coach’s Role: One of the things a lot of combative parents don’t understand is that coaches tend to make decisions based on what’s best for the team as a whole. They don’t always think about each individual kid, their own ambitions, or those of their parents. One of the best ways for parents to help their kids avoid contact with coaches is to show a good example of respect. parents should also encourage their child to respect the coach’s authority and focus on improving their skills. Help them understand that while they may not always agree with the coach, they should trust their expertise and judgment in guiding the team.
Schedule a Meeting if Needed: If there’s a legitimate concern about the way the coach is running things, parents should make every effort to arrange a respectful discussion with the coach. Do not confront the coach at practice, during a game, or otherwise in the heat of the moment. Make sure you choose an appropriate time and approach the conversation with a positive, problem-solving mindset rather than a defensive or worse, an accusatory tone. Respect is one thing, of course, but be sure to express your concerns constructively and be open to hearing the coach’s perspective as well. As we touched on earlier, try and keep in mind that the coach has a broader view of the team’s needs and may provide insight that was not previously considered. Be just as ready to listen as you are to be heard.
Managing Parent-to-Parent Conflicts
Look, we know as well as you do that other parents aren’t…well, difficult sometimes. What we have to remember is that they are people, just like us. This means that they have their own reasons to be angry, frustrated, or upset; and most likely, those reasons have little to do with your kid, the team, the coach, or yourself. So, whether the conflict is the result of differing opinions on coaching decisions or bad sideline behavior, these situations can and must always be handled with care.
Stay Calm and Avoid Confrontation: If another parent seems upset or angry, do your best to remain calm and avoid escalating the situation any further. It’s not always easy to respond with patience and understanding, but it is kind of the only way to prevent conflicts from spiraling out of control. The important thing to remember in all this is that emotions run high during competitive games That said, sometimes hotter heads prevail and things may escalate, when that happens, your best bet is to walk away…though it isn’t always possible.
If you find yourself confronted, do what you can to breathe and take a step back before reacting. Listen to what they are saying beneath the shouting and make every effort to reply in a calm, measured way. Always remember, your kid and everyone in the neighborhood, on the teams, and running the games, can see and hear you too; you don’t want to be the other half of an embarrassing sports story.
Set a Good Example: To that end, it is up to parents to do whatever they can to set a good example. Parents should keep their focus on supporting the team rather than engaging in unnecessary drama in the bleachers. Whenever possible, be sure to demonstrate good sportsmanship by cheering for all players on both teams. Maintain a positive attitude, regardless of the game’s outcome and avoid making negative comments about other players, coaches, or referees; at least until you’ve gotten home and your kid is out of earshot. Believe it or not, this kind of talk can contribute to a toxic atmosphere, not just around the sewing circle of parents, but amongst the kids playing the game. Instead, always highlight the hard work and achievements of all players.
Cultured Athlete Says…
As you can see, as team-oriented and friendly as your child’s teammates might seem, sports drama is bound to happen at some point. Whether by parents, coaches, other athletes, or some combination of the three, someone is bound to get fed up. Though avoiding this result isn’t a guarantee, with the right approach, we as parents can help our children properly navigate conflicts in the most effective way possible. So long as we foster more open communication, encourage teamwork, and model the best, most respectful behavior, we parents can ensure that our young athletes have a more positive and enriching sports experience. .
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