We all know that children benefit a great deal from playing sports. From the very first time they pick up a ball and hit the field, they learn a thing or two about physical exercise, rules, teamwork, and fun. What some parents might overlook, however, or place somewhat less importance on at first, is the aspect of good sportsmanship. After all, teamwork and socialization is often part and parcel to the sports experience. The assumption is that, through playing, our children will learn the basics well enough to be good sports.
Yet this is not always the foregone conclusion it appears to be. Learning how to treat others—teammates, opponents, coaches, and even referees is not something a child is born with. The values of respect, fairness, humility, and empathy come with experience. And though coaches and fellow players each play a crucial role in teaching these values to a child, the foundation for these elements usually begins at home. As parents, we have the ability to shape our child’s character and through sports, we can do so in a way that feels tangible, that bears obvious fruit.
In this article we will instruct parents the method with which they can impart good sportsmanship onto their young athletes. Through a series of practical instructions, we will teach parents how best to model and reinforce good sportsmanship, so that their child becomes both a better athlete and a better person, overall.
Why Sportsmanship Matters
Despite what some unfamiliar parents might think, good sportsmanship isn’t just about shaking hands at the end of a game. The main tenets of good sportsmanship can teach children a host of valuable life skills including respect for others, integrity, and of course, teamwork. In addition, good sportsmanship can teach children about resilience in the face of adversity, as well as respect for the perspectives of others. This last benefit, namely empathy itself, is one that feels even more important in a world where the Internet has created so many opportunities for negativity, bullying, callousness, and disrespect. Remember, children who learn good sportsmanship from an early age tend to have healthier relationships as they grow up. They also handle stress better and often find more long-term enjoyment in sports and group activities.
Start with Conversations at Home
The good news is, we don’t have to wait until our child begins their sports journey to start introducing good sportsmanship to them. In fact, parents can begin talking about what it means to be a good sport from the moment their child is able to understand the basic concepts of empathy. Which is to say, rather young, indeed.
Some ways to discuss sportsmanship might involve talking about why it’s important to play fair or what it feels like when one is respected. If you notice them getting frustrated following a game of catch, help them to manage those feelings. The same can be true if they make a mistake and get upset by it. If they are playing with friends or siblings, show them how to cheer that person on when they succeed, and cheer them on as well!
In the end, it’s always best to use everyday examples—from a board game to a playground activity—as tangible ways of highlighting sportsmanship behaviors.
A Proper Role Model
In the same vein as the section above, it’s important to remember that children learn a great deal about life by watching what we do and what we say. Thus, if you want your child to learn respect others, you must model that behavior yourself, first. The same is true for staying calm under pressure, something that isn’t always easy when you’re the parent of a young child. Playing fairly is also important, albeit a bit harder to model on a day-to-day basis. That said, you can model good sportsmanship in a number of subtle ways that will add up to something in the long run.
For instance, make sure to thank yhe coaches and referees for their efforts after games and after practice. If a child is feeling down or dejected, show empathy for that child, so that your own sees it and does the same. Make sure to praise effort over wins, as it is what someone puts into a sport that eventually adds up to real success. Finally, don’t. openly criticize athletes, coaches, or calls. If you have a negative opinion, wait for the right time to address it, and never do so in front of your child. Bear in mind that even the tone you affect on the ride home may impact how your kid feels about their sports experience.
Respect Everyone
We touched on it earlier, but good sportsmanship is often synonymous with respect. Children are far more likely to be respectful to others if they understand and appreciate that others are, at their core, just like them. Their opponents, teammates, even their coaches are contributing to the game, same as them, and so they must respect that effort as they would their own.
Parents should teach their child to respect their teammates, regardless of skill level. Teach them that every player deserves encouragement and the chance to shine. At the same time, help them see their opponents as worthy of respect. Those other kids are not the enemy their perceive them to be, but kids, just like them, with the same goals and desires. Coaches and referees are also worthy of respect and put in a lot of their own time to make games fun and fair.
Losing with Grace
This one is especially tough for young kids, especially those with a naturally competitive edge. Many of us have trouble with being sore losers and that’ okay— at least from the start. In the end, it is up to us to teach them that disappointment is a part of learning process. Take the time to show them that each loss teaches resilience, but don’t forget to respect their feelings. Acknowledge their frustrations and tell them that it’s ok, but remind them to redirect their failure towards future success. Above all else, avoid blaming the referee, criticizing any of their teammates, or using sarcasm. This type of behavior shifts the blame to others and advocates negativity rather than personal responsibility.
Unsportsmanlike Behavior and How to Address It
If your child does do as a child is wont to do and acts out during or after a game, there are steps you can take to correct that behavior. Say your child is complaining, taunting, refusing to shake hands, or some other bratty nonsense, there are ways to address it promptly and calmly and ways to fly off the handle; you do not want to do the latter.
Stay calm and avoid reacting with anger or embarrassment at their, admittedly embarrassing display. This bit is hard but shows them that it is possible to control one’s emotions. Try and ask them questions to find out what upset them in the first place. Then, talk through it and explain why what they did was wrong. Encourage them to apologize and make things right with whoever they wronged. In the end, set the proper expectations so that this type of behavior doesn’t happen in the future. Be clear and authoritative about it so that they understand good sportsmanship is non-negotiable.
What to Do When Others Don’t Show Sportsmanship
Just as your child will inevitably be a bad sport from time to time, so too will they encounter bad sports of their own. This poor behavior could come from their opponents, their teammates, or even the occasional bad-natured adult. And while these moments can be upsetting, we can also use them as rare opportunities to reinforce the values of good sportmanship. In these instances, validate their feelings in a positive way; don’t resort to negativity.
Reinforce that their behavior is their own and the bad behavior of others is in no way their fault. In the end, you’ll find that your child usually takes the high road, and they should be praised for it. That said, if things escalate or the behavior is particularly bad, it’s ok to talk to a coach or league administrator about ongoing concerns.
Cultured Athlete Says…
As you can see, while good sportsmanship can be learned on the field of play, it often begins at home. We parents can help impart the lessons of good sportsmanship from a very early age, allowing the lessons of respect, humility, and effort take the lead over the desire to win. Our influence is often the most potent tool that we have in our parental toolkit. All that we have to do is model respect properly, praise the efforts of all players, and transform any challenges our child might face into teachable moments. Remember, how we treat them effects how they treat others, and that is what truly matters when it comes to being a good sport.
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