As parents, we want our children to be successful. It doesn’t matter if that success comes in the form of academic achievements or in successful sports undertakings, either. The point is that they do well in whatever it is they set their mind to. Those of us who played youth sports or engaged with them positively in some way, understand what an incredible experience they can be for children. Sports help kids to develop confidence, discipline, and teamwork skills, as well as a host of other positive qualities.
The point being, as parents we play a vital role in our child’s journey, sports or otherwise. We provide them with encouragement, transport them to and fro, offer financial support, and hug them when things get rough. Of all these, the emotional guidance seems to be the most pertinent. That said, it can be easy for parents to become overbearing, often without realizing it. And remember, being overbearing isn’t just about pushing too hard, it’s also clinging too close and not letting your child grow in their own right and meet their own challenges. Slipping into that overbearing parent role risks potentially taking away the joy and growth opportunities that sports intrinsically offer your child.
In this article, we will educate parents about how to strike the right balance between being supportive and giving the child space to grow independently. At the same time, we will explore how parents can effectively encourage their children in sports without putting too much pressure on them, smothering them, or taking over their experience.
Let Your Child Take the Lead
Alright, hard truth time. Some parents might not want to hear this, but we would be remiss if we did not start this article by putting things into perspective. While it’s natural to want the best for your child, it’s important to remember that youth sports should, nay, must be about their interests and aspirations, not yours. Parents get so caught up in the role of guide, mentor, and leader, that they often don’t realize one of the best ways to support their child is by allowing them to take ownership of their sports journey.
Encourage self-motivation: When you want to motivate a kid, one of the best ways to get them to come to those motivations themself is by asking open-ended questions. Say things like, “What do you enjoy most about playing soccer?” rather than saying, “You should play soccer because it’s a great sport.” Self-motivation and self-determination are both crucial aspects of a child’s emotional development. Both can help a young person to build up resilience and determination, which are essential for long-term success in sports and life, in general.
Respect their choices: If your child does decide to try a different sport or step back from competitive play, do your best to support their decision. If you push them into something they don’t enjoy, especially an extra-curricular activity like a sport, you could end up pushing them right out of sports entirely! Too much pressure to “stick with it” can also lead to burnout and resentment, neither of which are easy to deal with or easy to overcome. This is why we recommend allowing the child to explore different activities if they want to, as it can help lead them to their true passion.
Avoid comparisons: As much as you want your kid to keep pace and be the best, it’s important to remember that every child progresses at their own pace. Comparing your kid to other children can make them feel inadequate or pressured; and we know that is not something any good parent wants to do on purpose. To avoid accidental comparisons, instead, encourage them to focus on their own progress and celebrate their individual achievements. It doesn’t matter how small those achievements are, either. As long as they have achieved something new, they are bound to want to keep doing so.
Keep a Positive and Supportive Attitude
Kids see and hear everything; if you haven’t learned that by the time your child is ready to play youth sports, than you haven’t been paying attention. As parents, our words and actions as a parent can greatly impact the way our child sees the world. In sports, what we say and do in regards to their behavior, their successes, their setbacks, and the like, are all taken in, spun around their little heads, and either dismissed or mulled over; it is usually the latter. This is why parents should always have a positive and encouraging attitude. Remaining positive, even when you might not be feeling it, can go a long way in fostering resilience and a love for the game in your child.
Praise effort over results: Instead of focusing on their wins or losses, try to highlight your child’s hard work, improvement, and their good sportsmanship. This type of refocusing is the same we used to use to distract them from dangerous situations as toddlers, and even as young children, it can be helpful. Moreover, keeping focus on important matters will help your child to develop a growth mindset, meaning they may begin to see challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles to success.
Be a role model: Parents should always be an example of good sportsmanship and to teach their children to respect coaches, referees, and other players in the same way. As we stated earlier, children often learn by example, so if they see you behaving respectfully, they are more likely to do the same. For any of you short-tempered parents out there, always avoid saying or commenting anything negative about coaches or teammates, even if you disagree with certain decisions.
Help them handle setbacks: Teach your kids that mistakes and losses are not only a part of sports that everyone has to experience, but that they can also be learning opportunities, not failures. Encourage your child to reflect on what they can improve rather than dwelling on disappointment. If the need arises, be ready to provide emotional support in difficult moments. Remember, they are still just kids and what seems like something small to you could feel like the end of the world to them. Being there for them in tough moments strengthens their ability to cope with adversity on their own down the line.
Avoid Coaching from the Sidelines
For many sport-coded parents, it’s often tempting to shout out instructions at your child during games or practices, but we would advise against such behavior. Even if your shouts are generally positive affirmations, they could end up making things feel overwhelming for your child. More importantly, such vocalizations can undermine the coach’s authority and could drive a wedge between you and them, or between yourself and other parents.
Let the coach do their job: Try and remember that coaches are there because they know their business. These individuals are trained to guide young athletes. Even if it’s difficult, we as parents need to learn to trust their methods and avoid contradicting their instructions. That said, if you have concerns about coaching strategies, you can still approach the coach, just try to address those concerns privately rather than in front of your child or the rest of the team.
Cheer, don’t critique: If you’re in the stands or even on the sidelines, the feel for the day should always be positive. Parents will want to stick to positive reinforcement rather than pointing out mistakes during the game. For instance, instead of saying, “You should have passed the ball sooner,” try telling your child, “I loved how hard you were working out there!” This shift in language promotes confidence and motivation and can still result in positive change.
Discuss the game after they’re ready: When the game is over and playing has winded down, give your child some time to discuss things before jumping right into a debriefing. If your child does want to talk about the game, it’s best to let them lead the conversation rather than offering unsolicited advice right from the get-go. Remember, while some kids like to analyze their performance, others might just prefer to move on quickly without saying boo. In either case, it’s always best to respect their approach to processing their experience.
Focus on Fun and Development, Not Just Winning
While competition is a part of sports, it shouldn’t be the only thing you or your child focuses on; especially when it’s early days. Winning isn’t everything, after all.
Remind them why they play: Look, young kids are not playing sports just because they want to win; some of the more competitive ones are, but most children play sports for fun, friends, and self-improvement. The vast majority doesn’t care about winning trophies, they care if they are enjoying themselves. If they aren’t enjoying themselves, their motivation will likely continue to dwindle. Thus, we as parents need to ensure that they feel supported, regardless of the wins or losses.
Celebrate small victories: Parents should acknowledge important improvements like better teamwork, effort, or mastering a new skill over winning. Bear in mind that sometimes, personal achievements like running faster or successfully completing a pass are more meaningful than an outright win.
Avoid placing too much emphasis on rankings or statistics: Encourage your child to enjoy the process rather than stressing over the end-result. If a kid focuses too much on external validation, they may lose sight of their love for the sport itself.
Give Them the Space to Learn Independence
Independence is perhaps the most crucial skill in this whole concept. Parents should try and step back where they can, letting the child handle certain aspects of their sports experience on their own.
Encourage responsibility: Let your child pack their own gear, communicate with coaches on their own, and set their individual goals. These small instances of independence can teach them accountability and time management skills that will benefit them well beyond the sports field.
Teach self-discipline: Rather than constantly reminding your child to practice, encourage them to manage their own training routine. This isn’t always possible with every child, but when it is, it can go a long way towards fostering try independence. If need be, you can gently nudge them to the right decisions by asking questions like, “What do you think you need to work on this week?” instead of instructing them on what to do.
Allow them to navigate challenges: You may feel that you need to step in whenever they have a challenge but if they have a disagreement with a teammate or coach, it’s more important that you guide them towards resolving it on their own, rather than stepping in immediately. Learning to handle conflict constructively is a valuable life skill that will serve them well later on.
Be Mindful of Your Own Expectations
Oftentimes, parents unknowingly put pressure on their child by simply expecting too much from them; we all do this, though few of us mean to. Nevertheless, there are ways to avoid it.
Recognize their limits: Remember that not every child is destined to be a professional athlete, and that’s okay. Enjoying sports and learning life skills is always going to end up being more valuable to that child than simply excelling in competition.
Check in with your own emotions: Take a moment to ask yourself if your disappointment or frustration is coming from your child’s experience or your own expectations. While it’s natural to want them to succeed, your feelings shouldn’t overshadow their individual wants and needs.
Support their goals, not yours: Encourage your child’s aspirations rather than pushing your own dreams onto them. If they love the sport, they will find their own motivation to work hard without the need for excessive external pressure from you.
Cultured Athlete Says…
As you can see, sports can be emotionally, mentally, and physically demanding for children but supporting their journey isn’t always about being right on top of them; or even being there to catch them at every pitfall. The trick is to stay positive, offer advice when they ask for it, and be there when they choose to come to you for help. You can make suggestions and offer advice, but allow them to come to their own conclusions and make their own choices; in the end, they will be better suited to deal with life and with their sports journey in their own way.
Discover more from CulturedAthlete
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
